And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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