They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
