So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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