I got chris browned last night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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