She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
