You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
