oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
