i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
