That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
