onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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