I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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