....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize