How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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