My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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