I puked a lego.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
