i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I love you. Go after that dick
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
