Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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