he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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