This girl is more easily done than said...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
