Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
