I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
