I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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