I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
