okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
