she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
