So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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