I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize