I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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