He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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