she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
