Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
