Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
