Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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