I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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