he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
