if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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