i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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