walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found the puke drawer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
