she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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