Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
