In the future we'll all be gay
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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