she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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