she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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