just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
