I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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