Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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