So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
