I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
