i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im six kinds of drunk right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
