I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
