Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
