Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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