allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
