Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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