It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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