Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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