I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
