I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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