Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
