I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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