Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
