id be glad to
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
