I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
