Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just pee around me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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