I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
